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Old 12-09-2008, 11:22 AM   #1
Hondahugger
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A girl phoned me the other day and said.... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

One day as I came home early from work..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy.... "Hey buddy .... Why are you doing that?" He said ...."Because you came home early."

It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning.... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born.... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father.... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...... But he pulled through.

My mother had morning sickness -- after I was born.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him.... "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said ... "I don't know kid .... There are so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what’s wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
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If you're trying to "do the right thing," you just do it. You don't base the decision on "Do I like that person? Do I not like that person?"
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Old 12-09-2008, 11:25 AM   #2
smileyman
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sounds like Rodney to me!LOL!
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Old 12-09-2008, 11:26 AM   #3
Rider
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Sounds like some Rodney Dangerfield material.
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Old 12-09-2008, 12:10 PM   #4
Papa_Complex
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Sounds more like Steven Wright to me. Good stuff
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Old 12-09-2008, 12:31 PM   #5
Hondahugger
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what? No one has any to add?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neebelung View Post
If you're trying to "do the right thing," you just do it. You don't base the decision on "Do I like that person? Do I not like that person?"
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:19 PM   #6
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I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

JC
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:23 PM   #7
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My wife ran off and took my dog... reward for the dog.
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