The Sociopath's Guide To Owning An Old Car

[pauldun170]

http://jalopnik.com/5571077/the-soci...ing-an-old-car

[shmike]

Now that you've acquired your perfect vehicle and you've got all your tools, it's time to drink a lot. That's about 80 percent of the reason people even own cars. It's like fishing: Nobody actually goes to fish. You just get drunk on a lake, because ducks are hilarious when you're wasted. So it's time to open up the hood, smear some grease on your body and get sloshed in your driveway. If anybody asks what you're doing, simply look annoyed, yell something that sounds like a car-part and then blame it on a minority.

[Particle Man]

Originally Posted by shmike

You go it alone. Viciously fend off anybody circling your loot–helpful neighbors, concerned family members, pedestrians out walking their dogs, passing cyclists–these people are your enemies and there is a wealth of heavy metal objects within your reach to hurl at them if they come too close. Like that cyclist there. He thinks he's better than you. Look at him: Happy, healthy, with a functioning vehicle powered by his own rippling muscles. He's even got that gross one on the thigh that looks like somebody melted a butt on his knee.

I'm pretty sure he just looked at you; huck a fucking brake shoe at him.

Oh shit! Did you hit him?

[Dave]

I'm running out of room in the park ave for cyclists

[Mikey]

So much win.