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#1 |
Soul Man
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Everywhere, all the time.
Moto: '0000 Custom Turbo Cross (with jet kit).
Posts: 6,481
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Since this year is almost over, I've decided that now is a good time to reveal some things I've leaned over the last few centuries.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Why didn't you tell me this shit ten years ago?" Three reasons: I was on a bender, I was, well Ok, technically it's just one reason, but anyway, fuck you. 1. Women don't really think vibrators can replace men. This is a total myth. Vibrators can't cuddle after sex, or bring you a Rum and Coke, or kill spiders. Plus, if a vibrator is turned on accidentally in the middle of the night, it could cause your cat to put your eyes out, while trying to escape the whirring noise coming from beneath the blankets. Helen Keller had a cat and a vibrator, and look how she turned out. 2. Tofu. It's not really all that good for you. Sure, it's got all that happy shit about free roaming curds and whey going for it, but what they don't tell you, is that Tofu can make your tongue fall out. So why have you not heard about this before? Simple. People with no tongues don't talk much. Now you know. 3. Paris Hilton is a whore. Don't look at me, Mr. Drippy Dick, I tried to warn you last year, and you blew me off. 4. If you put three cats in a Hefty bag, only two will come back out. I have no explanation for this, it's just the way it works. 5. Every time I open a Hefty Bag, it has a dead cat inside it. Crap. Sorry about that last one, she was faking it. 6. Cats are lying bastards. They may look like they're dead, but they're not. They're just furry zombies with pointy teeth and sharp claws. So... 7. Do not feed zombie cats. The purr is a lie. 8. Run! Trust me, you should run. NOW! 9. You're still here. Nice going dipshit. Jesus came all the way down from heaven to warn you about the zombie cat invasion, and you just sat there waiting for your porn download to finish. 10. There is no ten. Nine is as good as it gets. Don't be so fucking greedy. JC
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The way things are going, they're gonna crucify me. |
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#2 |
Trip's Assistant
![]() Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Imported from Detroit
Moto: 2009 HD Street Classic
Posts: 12,149
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Awesome. I read on my bb from bed as a cat lays next to me purring like crazy. Funny huh.
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#3 | |
Trip's Assistant
![]() Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Imported from Detroit
Moto: 2009 HD Street Classic
Posts: 12,149
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#4 | |
Let's do another U-turn
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Indiana
Moto: 2009 V-Strom
Posts: 3,816
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#5 | |
Trip's Assistant
![]() Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Imported from Detroit
Moto: 2009 HD Street Classic
Posts: 12,149
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#6 |
Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Here to integrity
Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja
Posts: 7,482
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Probably the best cat and friend I ever knew. His name was Ozzy, but he was known to his friends as Bob. Bob knew how to sit, give the paw, wave, and trusted me like no one else. He died in my arms. Miss ya, Bob.
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Insert free thought here. |
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#7 |
too much time on my hands
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: the northern district of god damn
Moto: 01 ZX6R, looking for more now.
Posts: 1,802
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damn! gotta get my shotgun!
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#8 |
WERA White Plate
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Nashville, TN
Moto: 2007 Suzuki GSX-r 750
Posts: 1,404
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you can kill spiders with a vibrator. Just hit them with it
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XX>XY 2014 Honda NC700X 2007 Suzuki GSX-r 750 2000 Yamaha XT225 2004 Kawasaki EX250 (sold) |
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#9 |
Moto GP Star
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 14,556
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#10 |
Custom User Title
![]() Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Central NY
Moto: 2003 SV650S
Posts: 14,959
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![]() ![]() where do you come up with this shit
__________________
I'm not "fat." I'm "Enlarged to show texture." Handle every stressful situation like a DOG: If you can't eat it or hump it, pi$$ on it & walk away. |
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