Horrible Day :(

[Mistress Maygin]

Sorry, I just really need to vent about this. Today has been horrible.

The boyfriend and I have been having issues lately and yesterday it all came to a head. He blamed me for his having seizures and ruining his birthday (apparently because of something I did in my sleep?) and basically called me every name in the book attempting to make me feel like shit.

Today I found out that he decided to talk shit to some of my oldest friends, who have thus turned on me as a result.

I came home today and started to put my things in the other room. He informed me that as I am a psychotic whore, he had me taken off the lease and to have my things out of the house immediately. He has no problem with me living on the street, calling me a whore, and ruining my friendships, but still claims he loves me?!?!

I'm sitting in my living room crying to my mom and one of my best friends (who is thankfully letting me stay at his house until I can find a place). I'm afraid to leave my things because I know he will try to destroy or steal them. But I can't stay here, I don't feel safe. He intentionally left his guns sitting on the chairs in the living room, my guess is so I feel intimidated.

My mom is coming over and we are going to call the cops so they can take an inventory of my belongings to be sure that he doesn't do anything stupid. I never thought that it would come to this. It's sad to think this person may even be worse than the abusive guy I was with. He has absolutely lost his shit. He hasn't hit me, but I wouldn't put it past him. He keeps screaming at me, standing two inches from me and refuses to back up when I tell him to. And he blocks my way in and out of rooms. It's very threatening.

I have way too much stuff to just pack up and leave tonight. It feels so dramatic to call the cops, but I know it's the only way to make sure my things are safe. I'm worried about Monty. Taking him means leaving a lot of other things behind, but I have to do it. My mom is letting Monty stay at her house for now, which is good if I can't have him at my friend's.

I feel dizzy and nauseated. I don't know what I did to deserve any of this. I'm such a failure at life and relationships. If it weren't for the fact that I have a great job and wonderful friends (the real ones), I would feel pretty darn helpless right now. I'm honestly surprised this hasn't sent me into a bipolar episode. But I don't kid myself, I'm sure one is lurking.

I'm so.... disappointed in this entire situation. I apologize for using this board to vent. Please don't use this as an opportunity to bash me, but if you have any constructive comments they are all much appreciated. Like if anyone in the South Florida area knows of inexpensive, decent apartments I can take a look at.... Or if anyone else has had to deal with this sort of thing before and has some helpful advice?

Oh, and to make it bike related: Due to my having to leave and find a place ASAP that will cost at least 5 times more than what I pay now, my getting a bike will likely be delayed