Medical Terminology...

[cbrchick]

K, some of this might be more than funny for us medical peeps... But I came across this recently. There's more, a lot more...just too much to post in one thread.

Medical terms collected from US and UK. I use some of these...and will be using more when I go back to work. We talk in code to relieve stress and get our point across to one another without saying much...


DOCTORS' SLANG, MEDICAL SLANG AND MEDICAL ACRONYMS
AND VETERINARY ACRONYMS & VET SLANG


3H enema - Enema that is "high, hot, and a hell of a lot." Reputedly given to patients who give staff a hard time.
3P’s - Pill, Permissiveness and Promiscuity (relates to female patients with sexually transmitted disease)
4F - Fair, fat, female and forty OR fat, forty-ish, flatulent female (both mean abdominal pain patient who is candidate for gall bladder disease)
4H - (US) Haemophiliac, Hispanic, Homosexual, Heroin addict
404 moment – On card rounds - when a patient’s medical records cannot be located (from internet error message: 404 Page Not Found)
5-H-1-T - polite medical term for shit
10th Floor Transfer - dying (floor number is always the next number on from the highest floor in the hospital).
45C - patient is one chromosome short of a full set (thick)

AAA (or Triple A): Ay Ay Ay. Precursor to Status Hispanicus. Wound-up Hispanic female unable to tolerate even the small discomfort of removing an adhesive plaster, but not yet full-blown histrionics.
AALFD - Another A**hole Looking For Drugs
Acades vulgaris - medical students.
Acronymophilia - excessive reliance on TLAs /TLMs & XTLMs (extended 3 letter acronyms)
Acute Lead Poisoning - Gunshot wound
(Acute Lead Poisoning) 185 grain Injection - 9mm gunshot wound
(Acute Lead Poisoning) 240 grain Injection 44 calibre magnum wound
(Acute Lead Poisoning) Air-conditioned - Multiple gun shot wounds
Acute Hyponicotaemia - desperate for nicotine fix (cigarette)
Acute Pneumoencephalopathy - airhead
Adminisphere - where hospital managers work, reckoned to be "another planet"
Administrivia - pointless emails and notices that clog up real medical work
ADR - Ain’t Doing Right
AFU & BR - all f***ed up & beyond repair
AGA - Acute Gravity Attack (fell over)
Aggressive Euthanasia - A procedure that obnoxious patients would benefit from.
ALFI(e) - (Australia) Adelaide's Largest F*cking Idiot
AGMI - Ain't Gonna Make It (won't survive)
Agnostication - Substitute for prognostication; describes the usually vain attempt to answer the question: "How long have I got, doctor?”
AHF - Acute Hissy Fit
Airwolf - air-ambulance (after a popular US TV series)
Albatross - chronically ill patient who will remain with a doctor until one or other of them expire
ALC - a la casa (send the patient home)
ALS - Absolute Loss of Sanity (nutcase)
Amphoterrible - Amphotericin B, an antifungal medication with toxic side-effects
Amyoyo syndrome - Alright motherf*****, you're on your own (seen in head injury patients in Intensive Care); there will be no miracle recovery
Angel lust - a male corpse with an erection (not uncommon). Is also sometimes used to mean death that occurred during intercourse.
AOB - Alcohol On Board
APD - Acute Prozac Deficiency (depression)
Appy - person with suspected appendicitis
APRS - (US) Acute Puerto Rican syndrome (bouts of screaming and yelling)
APTFRAN - Apply Pillow To Face, Repeat As Necessary (for annoying patient)
AQP - Assuming the Q Position: deteriorating or dying with tongue hanging out
AQR - Ain't Quite Right
Arsenic in antifreeze - Melarsoprol (IV sleeping sickness drug) is exactly this!
ART - Assuming/Approaching Room Temperature (dead)
Ash Cash - money for signing a cremation form
Ash Point - where you collect the Ash Cash
Ass Grapes - badly thrombosed or strangulated haemorrhoids
Assmosis - promotion by "kissing ass"
AST - Assuming Seasonal Temperature (dead)
ATD - (US) Acute Tylenol Deficiency (simple fever or head cold)
ATFO - Asked To F*** Off
ATS - Acute Thespian Syndrome: faking illness; known in US as MGM syndrome
Aunt Minnie Lesion - once seen, never forgotten, much like certain aunts at the family wedding
AWTB/AWTF - Away With The Birds/Away With The Fairies; a patient who is totally confused
Ax(e) - surgeon

B-52 - combined 5mg of Haldol IV + 2mg of Ativan IV
Baby catcher - obstetrician
Babygram -x-raying (radiographing) a newborn
Bagged and Tagged (B&T) - Body ready for dispatch to morgue
Bagrinhos - (Brazil) interns ("bullheads" - type of fish that gets in the way of real fishing)
Banana - patient with jaundice
Bash Cash: the money paid for completing accident (insurance) claim forms in A&E
BBCS - Bumps, Bruises, Cuts and Scrapes (i.e. no serious injuries)
BBL Sign (Belly-button Lint Sign) - male, middle-aged, overweight and hairy (an umbilicus that looks like the lint [fluff] trap in a tumble dryer is most common in overweight, hairy, older men). Known as Belly-button Fluff in Britain.
Beached whale - obese patient unable to do much for him/herself except lie there with flailing arms and legs
Benny - patient on benefit (welfare payments)
Betty - a patient with diabetes
BFH - Brat From Hell (usually accompanied by PFH - Parent(s) from Hell)
BFH - Big F****ing Head; hydrocephalus as in a "FLK with a BFH" (can be metaphorical for arrogant consultant)
BIT - burp in transit (gas seen in the stomach on an abdominal film)
Black cloud - a doctor who attracts difficult or prolonged cases or an unusually high number of code blues calls
Blade - Surgeon: dashing, bold, arrogant and often wrong, but never in doubt
Blamestorming - apportioning of blame for mistakes, usually to any locum or lowliest medic in sight
Blinky the Fish - radiologist (The 3-eyed, mutant goldfish from The Simpsons is the mascot of many radiology depts).
Blood-Brain Barrier - surgical drapes
Blood Suckers - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs
Blown Mind - gunshot wound to the head.
Blue Blower - patient with severe lung disease
Blue Pipe - vein (as opposed to 'red pipe' or artery)
BMT - Bowel-Movement Taco (faecal matter trapped in female genitalia)
BMW - Bitch Moan & Whine
Bobbing for apples - unblocking a badly constipated patient with one's finger
BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again
Bone Break Need Fix - derogatory term for Orthopaedics
Boneheads - orthopaedics
Bones and Groans - non-specialist general hospital
BoneHo - an off-service resident working in Orthopedics
Boogie or Goober - tumour. A Roasted Goober is a tumour after intensive cobalt treatment; a Healthy Goober is a dead tumour patient.
Bordeaux - bloodstained urine
Bottle return - removing a bottle lodged in the anal canal
Bounce - returning a turfed patient back to original dept (see also turf and buff)
Bounceback - a (usually turfed) patient who keeps returning to the hospital with same condition
Box - to die
Brain Fry - Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) for depression
Bronze John's Law - (paediatrics) if the weight of the records exceeds the weight of the child, the prognosis is grim
Brothelizer test - microbiology test (on swab or sample) requested by the Genito-Urinary Clinic or STD clinic to check for sexually transmitted diseases. A positive test result means the patient has "failed the brothelizer test".
Brothel Sprouts - Genital warts
Brown trout - a stool that won't float (as opposed to an air biscuit, which does)
BSS - Bilateral Samsonite Syndrome: patient admitted with both their bags packed in preparation
BTSOOM - Beats The Sh*t Out Of Me
Buff - re-hash the patient's story to make it sound more appropriate for the patient to be referred to another dept (see also turfing and bouncing)
Buff Up - to ready a patient for release
Bug Juice - antibiotics
Bugs in the rug - pubic lice
Bull in the ring - blockage in the large intestine
Bumps and Lumps - junior doctor (intern) cases
BUNDY - But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet
Bungee jumper - a patient who pulls on his catheter tube
Bunnies - Sanitary Towels (sanitary napkins)
Bunny Boiler - (Psych) dangerously obsessive or unbalance woman (based on film "Fatal Attraction")
Burger - sunburned patient with ruptured blisters
Bury the Hatchet - accidently leave a surgical instrument inside a patient.
Butchers - Obstetrics & Gynaecology (also general derogatory term for surgeons)
BVA - Breathing Valuable Air
BWCO - Baby Won't Come Out (needs Caesarian)

C/C- "Cancel Christmas" (dead)
C2 - a "can't c**t"; lazy physician who passes off work to colleagues and often whine
C&T Ward - Coma ward - "cabbages and turnips"
Cabbage - heart bypass i.e. CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft)
Cabbage and tomato ward - Ward for comatose patients
Calcified Penisitis Morbidium - male patient whose ailment is due to excessive or unprotected sex
Callbellectomy - minor operation, sadly not permitted, to remove over-used call bell from patient's hand/reach!
Call Button Jockey/Buzzer Junkie - patient that uses call button all night long for no good reason.
Calling Doctor Blue [to location] - public address system code for "baffling case needing more doctors to take a look in the hope that one of them will know what to do"
Captain Kangaroo - chairman of a paediatrics department.
Category 6 Patient - Triage is Cat 1 (major) to Cat 5 (minor) so Cat 6 means a timewaster
Cath Jockey - cardiologist that catheterizes every patient they see (or one that does cardiac catherizations)
CATS- Cut all to sh*t
Caveman - Derogatory term for Orthopaedic surgeons “so easy a caveman could do it”. Derived from an advert
CBT - Chronic Burger/Biscuit Toxicity (obesity)
cc - Complaint Corner, a patient that complains about everything; BCC is one that behaves nicely to medical staff and complains behind their backs (from business acronyms for carbon copy and blind carbon copy)
CCFCCP - Coo-coo for Co-Co Puffs (dementia or similar)
Ceiling Sign - near-levitation from the bed to the ceiling induced by examining for abdominal tenderness
Celestial discharge - died
Celestial transfer - died (transferred to the Eternal Care Unit)
Cephosplat - Domestos Antibiotic; Kills all known germs
CFT - Chronic Food Toxicity i.e. obesity
CFU - Complete(ly) F*ck(ed) Up
Champagne tap - bloodless lumbar tap
Chandelier's Sign - The result of any test or probing after which the patient must be removed from the chandelier
CHAOS - Chronic Hurts All Over Syndrome (PTSD/Fibromyalgia, etc.)
Chart Biopsy - check chart for other depts' plans on the patient
Chart Dehiscence - drop patient chart and everything falls out.
Chartomegaly - patient is so frequent s/he has a large (and growing) chart
Cheerioma - a patient with a highly aggressive, malignant tumour
CHIBLOC - Closed Head Injury, Brief Loss of Consciousness
Chocolate Hostage - constipated
Choly / Chole - patient with cholecystitis (inflammation of the gallbladder) or cholecystectomy patient.
Chrome Induced Ischaemia - patient that develops inexplicable chest pains when arrested and handcuffed
Chronic Slapping Deficiency - annoying/unruly family members hitting nurse's call button every 5 minutes with minor requests/inane questions or for fun
CIBS - Cast Iron Bum/Butt Syndrome: when the needle goes into the buttocks straight, but comes out curved
CKS - cute kid syndrome
Clip and Strip - remove staples and adhesive sutures
CLL - chronic Low Life
CLOMI - Cat Like Observation and Masterful Inactivity (patient under observation)
Clupea fallacius rufus - red herring
Cock Doc- urologist
Cockroach Factor - a patient's ability to survive trauma or serious treatment is inversely proportional to his contribution to society (see TTI).
Code 0 - (Ambulance) Time-waster/tax-waster (genuine codes are Code 1 [non-serious] to Code 4 [emergency])
Code Azure - message to other medics to do nothing extraordinary to save a very ill patient who will die shortly no matter what is done
Code Brown - faecal incontinence emergency (e.g. of bedlinen)
Code Pink (Triangle) - a likely homosexual (used back when HIV/Aids tests took a while to come back)
Code Pink (Paediatric) - baby taken without permission from maternity/nursery by family or staff
Code Surfer - medic straddling the patient on trolly (gurney) performing chest compressions while patient is being transported
Code Yellow - urinary incontinence emergency
Coffee and a Newspaper - Patient is Constipated (i.e. long time sitting on toilet with drink and reading matter)
Coffin Dodger - survived against expectations, or a very old person
Cold-tea Sign/Cold Tea Syndrome - refers to the several cups of cold tea on the bedside cabinet beside a dead geriatric (i.e. no-one noticed the patient had died)
COPD - Chronic Old Persons Disease (unwell, no specific cause)
COSMONAUT - Cat Owner, Smells, Made Of Nuts And Used Tampons ("mad cat lady" with poor hygiene and body odour)
Crackerjack referral - (UK) It's Friday, it's five to five, it's... (Crackerjack was a popular TV show) i.e. Friday afternoon job
CRAFT - Can’t Remember A F*cking Thing
Cranial rectosis - US: butthead (US term for idiot); UK: head-up-ass (arrogant/arrogant fool)
Cranio-faecal Syndrome - s**thead or s**t for brains
CRAP Score - Cynical Real Alternative Pain Score - an alternative method of scoring pain (see foot of page)
Creepers - geriatrics using walkers and wheelchairs
CRI - Cranial-Rectal Insertion or Cranial-Rectal Inversion (head-up-ass syndrome)
Crinkly - geriatric
Crispy critter - severe burns case
CROACC - Cannot Rule Out Anything, Correlate Clinically
Crock - Hypochondriac.
Crook-U - Prison Ward in a hospital (slang to match ICU - Intensive Care Unit etc)
Crop Rotation - Ambulance shuttle service from nursing home to surgery and back again
CRS - Can’t Remember Sh*t
CRT - Can't Really Treat
Crumble (crumbly) - elderly patient
Crump - (UK) RTA [Road Traffic Accident], (US) crash; trying to die
Crump, Gork or Vedgy - Intensive care patient incapable of movement and apparently unaware of his surroundings.
CTD - Circling the Drain (Close To Death)
CTF - Cletus the Fetus (US). A 23 week, or earlier, births that parents expect to survive against all odds
CTS - Crazier than sh*t
Cuckoo - alternative term for CCU
C*nts and Runts - Maternity and Paediatrics
Cut and Paste - To open a patient, discover that there is no hope, and immediately sew him up (or almost immediately - sometimes young surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while).
CYA - Cover Your Ass; unnecessary procedure/prescription done to avoid being sued