I'm Getting a New Helmet!

[Switch]

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eB...400153979748#d

[shmike]

I'd throw it away but I don't want the trash guys to think I'm gay.

[Particle Man]

Quoted for posterity

Completely and Totally

Gay-Assed

Hardley Davidson

Half (ass) Helmet

Size XXL

Retail Price:* Over $150 (can you believe it?)

I bought a Yamaha Zuma*to use as*a pit bike from an older gentleman and he gave me this helmet because he certainly didn't want to been seen in it.* He would Zuma around his lake resort neighborhood and his wife made him wear a helmet.* He hated it but he's been married to her for almost 60 years so he just wore the helmet and kept his mouth shut.* Good call.

He did pull the Harley sticker from the front of the helmet in an effort to retain some dignity*but the chin strap still has the tell-tale H-D which, as you all know, stands for quality.

This helmet has* a DOT sticker on the back.* I can't imagine that it would do any good in a crash.* The box I'm shipping this little jewel in outweighs the helmet.* Weekend Harley guys only put about 4.7 miles per week on the bikes anyway so I guess it's not much of a problem.* They go from home to Starbucks to some cheesy little burger joint that caters to the weekend Harley crowd then back home to park over the oil spot.*

Real bikers like the Banditos, Hells Angels, etc ride about 3000 miles per month wearing a do-rag or a WWII German Panzer helmet.* I'm reasonably sure they are not looking at this listing for some made-in-china-piece-of-crap with a HD logo.

Hey all you CPAs, Airline Pilots, Lawyers, Doctors and biker poser wannabees, check out the picture in the listing and you can see that this thing really does work.* Notice how it takes just some average old guy and turns him into a totally scary badass looking UFC fighter kick-ass*kind of guy that nobody in their right mind would mess with.* Wow!* Even sitting on a 50cc Zuma with plaid shorts that's not somebody I would want to rile.

As you can see from the photo, it has some cheesy flame pattern molded into the shell of the helmet.* My guess is that this has nothing to do with speed but rather is a reminder not to light a match around the oil leaking, 1920's technology, piece of crap you are sitting on.* Think of it as a public service announcement.

If the winner of the auction doesn't actually want to take possession of the helmet I will post a youtube video of running over the helmet with my Dodge 4X4 Diesel Megacab 2500 and burying the carcass.

If you are starting a band like "The Village People" this would be a perfect costume piece.

I'm starting this auction at one cent, which is what this turd is worth.* I'd throw it away but I don't want the trash guys to think I'm gay.* If you win this helmet for a penny you are paying way too much but what the heck, it's your money.

By the way.....this thing is huge!* It's a size XXL, as if it wasn't stupid looking enough already.* Maybe you can rip the liner out of it and use it for a potato salad server.* I just want to get rid of it.

Good luck bidding!

[KSGregman]

The Q&A is fucking hilarious....

Q: Just a heads-up. I know of a guy who took great offense at your ad and turned you in to ebay. Maybe you can modify it just enough to avoid having it taken down. Sep-18-10

A: Yeah, I've had some threats. One guy was going to kick my butt. I asked him if he was going to hit me with his purse. He screamed something like "It's not a purse! It's a European satchel!" or something like that. He was crying pretty hard but I think that's what he said. Maybe you should bid on this high quality item and give it to your friend. That might ease his pain a little. Thanks for the heads-up and please apologize to your friend for me. I've been married almost 25 years so I know how important apologies are to women, and guys who behave like women.

[Particle Man]

"I know how important apologies are to women, and guys who behave like women."

[pauldun170]

Make sure we save the whole thing
;

Question & Answer Answered On
Q: Just a heads-up. I know of a guy who took great offense at your ad and turned you in to ebay. Maybe you can modify it just enough to avoid having it taken down. Sep-18-10
A: Yeah, I've had some threats. One guy was going to kick my butt. I asked him if he was going to hit me with his purse. He screamed something like "It's not a purse! It's a European satchel!" or something like that. He was crying pretty hard but I think that's what he said. Maybe you should bid on this high quality item and give it to your friend. That might ease his pain a little. Thanks for the heads-up and please apologize to your friend for me. I've been married almost 25 years so I know how important apologies are to women, and guys who behave like women.
Q: I own a Honda. If I wear the helmet will my motor rev faster? Sep-18-10
A: I don't think so. In fact, the bike probably won't even start until you take the helmet off. That shouldn't keep you from bidding on this fine item however. It has many other uses. If you take your family camping you could use it for a portable toilet. It should last a family of four about a week before it needs to be emptied.
Q: Don't have a Herman Munster sized noggin but couldn't resist bidding just for the simple fact this is an awesome listing. Haven't laughed this much in awhile. Thanks bottom-drawer ~R Sep-17-10
A: I sure appreciate you bidding on this thing. I go out in the garage and it just looks at me. I'll be glad when it's gone.
Q: Greetings, if I buy this helmet then can you direct me to where I can purchase one of these "Harley" motorcycles? My Doctor says I need to be more active and I'd like to start spending my weekends riding to neighboring suburbs and buying leather things with the word "Harley" on it. I mean, you think that is cool right? Sep-16-10
A: If it will get you to buy this piece of crap then I think it's very cool indeed. Seriously though, I don't think you should limit your shopping to leather goods. As another ebay member pointed out there are many chrome items available at your Harley dealer.....all reasonably priced. I will be most happy to direct you to the nearest Harley dealer so you can purchase their fine products. Park close to the door and wear old shoes. You'll be stepping in a lot of oil in the parking lot. First thing you need to do is buy this helmet. I'll help you with the rest........really. In no time at all you'll look just like a real weekend Harley rider. Your Dr. will be astounded with your new "Harley shape". Round is a shape, right?
Q: You do realize that you could get twice as much money for this thing if you had it chromed, right? Sep-16-10
A: I'm sure you're right. Kind of sad isn't it?
Q: Is this helmet race legal for WERA or CMRA? Sep-14-10
A: I can't imagine that this helmet is legal for anything! It is so ugly I'm sure you would be violating some public decency law by just owning it. I really need to get rid of it.
Q: How many pounds of chicken crap would this helmet hold? (i.e. would it make a good bucket for when I'm cleaning out my chicken pens?) Sep-14-10
A: I'm afraid if the chickens see this monstrosity they will quit laying. If you want to use it for that purpose I would guess that the average weekend Harley rider has the equivalent of 10 lbs of chicken crap in his helmet. Hope this helps. Please buy the helmet.........please.
Q: If I win the auction, will you forget about the shipping charges and just cut this brain bucket in half and throw it in the trash? Sep-14-10
A: As mentioned in the listing I can't put it in the trash. I don't want the trash guys to think I'm gay. The offer for crushing and burial is still valid. No shipping will be charged.
Q: Does it have any pink stunter fur? Sep-14-10
A: I'm sure that's an available option but I don't have any.
Q: Could the helmet function as a usable belly pan to keep the oil off my driveway? Sep-14-10
A: That's a great idea. Should hold about 1.5 gallons which is about a weeks worth of leakage from a Harley.
Q: Can you bring it to TWS for the oct. cmra race?I would like to present it to Ronnie as a token of my gratitude for all the half assed gay things he has done for me. Sep-14-10
A: I will gladly bring it to TWS.....in a plain brown bag. I don't want to be seen with it.
Q: Does it have street cred scratch marks? Sep-14-10
A: It has no marks. Apparently neither the old man or myself had any idea this was important. Most of the weekenders I see take great pains to make sure everything is totally new and shiny. I will drag the helmet behind my Zuma for no extra charge.
Q: Would you happen to have the matching assless chaps to go with this helmet? Sep-14-10
A: I do have a set that I wear while doing yard work. I might let them go with the helmet if the auction hits the right price.
Q: Hey BD I understand that you are one of the few true haberdasher of the motorcycle world. Any chance that you have a pair of leather shorts to go with this classic ? Sep-13-10
A: Not, but I'll hit up the local Goodwill shop and see if I can scare up a set of those crotchless chap things the weekenders wear. You could cut those off at the knee and create a whole new look. Would go great with this helmet. Take this thing off my hands, OK?

[Homeslice]

Last time I editorialized like that, Ebay took it down because "opinions are not allowed in auctions"

[Mikey]

That's awesome.