my thread o' hate: hate harder

[Papa_Complex]

Originally Posted by defector

So you don't hate clowns? I hate you too, then.
Clowns depicted as killers, I don't hate.

But I do hate the people with hundreds of bumper stickers on their car. Especially the "happy family" sticker assholes. Fuck you, fuck your kids, and fuck your stupid cat, too.

Don't hate clowns. Pity them. You can tread on their overly large shoes and work their heads like a speed bag.

[azoomm]

Wait, I want to know who likes clowns?

[Homeslice]

Originally Posted by Trip

fucking clowns, my hate comes from my ex aunt. Bitch had life size (adult size) clown dolls she would sit at the kitchen table and move around the house and put them in weird poses that would scare the fucking hell out of us when we were little kids. Bitch was insane.

How can you have an ex-aunt? The bitch die or something?

[Homeslice]

Originally Posted by defector

But I do hate the people with hundreds of bumper stickers on their car. Especially the "happy family" sticker assholes. Fuck you, fuck your kids, and fuck your stupid cat, too.

Lemme guess, most of them drive either a minivan, or an old POS sun-faded Volvo, Subaru, or Saab. Usually liberals or greenies too.

[Trip]

Originally Posted by Homeslice

How can you have an ex-aunt? The bitch die or something?

My uncle divorced her.

[defector]

Originally Posted by Trip

fucking clowns, my hate comes from my ex aunt. Bitch had life size (adult size) clown dolls she would sit at the kitchen table and move around the house and put them in weird poses that would scare the fucking hell out of us when we were little kids. Bitch was insane.

Alright, I'll come clean. Barnum and Bailey circus. July, 1982:
WARNING! LONG ASS STORY TO FOLLOW...
We take a trip there to see the show. We get "special" tickets, so we can get there and meet some of the "performers". Guess who we get to meet? That's right, the fucking clowns. Only I didn't know they were the fucking clowns, yet. I wanted to see the goddam lions, and the girl who could put her feet over her head (the hard way). No. I get clowns. Yay!
They steer away from the adults and come straight at us kids. Why? I'll tell you why. Kids are easy targets! Parents would kick their fucking asses for doing that dumb shit to them.
We get in there, and instantly we are mobbed by these fuckers, honking horns, yelling, screaming, fake laughing, hugging us, throwing confetti at us; (you know, all of the worst shit you read about in the bible).
Low and behold, two of those demons come over to me. A 10ft tall fucker (on stilts), and one just about my height. This little dude gets right in my face and starts that crazy laughing shit, and I take a step back. He follows me, and I am up against the side of the tent now. Fight or flight I guess. Tried the flight thing, already. Didn't work out so well. Fight time! I grab this fucker and try to choke him. No go. He grabs me, and I think "this kid is strong, like retard strong". So I decide to shove him backwards (by his face). Things I learned very quickly in that moment:
1. Clown makeup is greasy. Makes it hard to get a grip on somebody's face.
2. Little clown has a mustache. A full on goddam, 1800's bartender mustache.
3. Little clown is NOT a kid clown, but a midget clown. With full size man hands (but little sausage fingers), and everything! And now he's angry, ready to beat my 7yr old ass.
4. You can't push a midget clown down. They just pop back up.
5. Angry midget clown can still be lifted off the ground and tossed (pretty far)by my dad. Overhear the conversation between my dad and head circus guy, where my dad says the fucking clowns about 100 times.
6. Getting free tickets after was totally not worth it.
7. Getting to hear my dad tell the fucking clowns story every year when the circus comes to town doesn't help my hatred of clowns. Or midgets. But I do at least find it funny now.

Don't judge me.

[defector]

Originally Posted by Homeslice

Lemme guess, most of them drive either a minivan, or an old POS sun-faded Volvo, Subaru, or Saab. Usually liberals or greenies too.

Mini van, or a crossover, usually. Volvo's around here look to be driven by faceless people. They all look the same to me. Subaru's are either 20 something ricky racers (WRX), or butch lesbians (Forester). Don't see, or don't notice many Saabs.

[Adeptus_Minor]

Originally Posted by defector

Alright, I'll come clean. Barnum and Bailey circus. July, 1982:
WARNING! LONG ASS STORY TO FOLLOW...


Don't judge me.

Holy shit, dude.. that was both nightmarish and absolutely hilarious.
Post of the Month, right there.

[Trip]

Defector, that's a fucking awesome story. Your dad is my hero for playing horseshoes with the fucking midget clown.

[Cutty72]

Originally Posted by azoomm

Wait, I want to know who likes clowns?

I like clowns... or at least don't hate them.
On of my wife's aunts is a clown.