Child support laws need a serious overhaul

[azoomm]

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

One big problem I have with the system is the way they consider the "cost" of the child. They say it costs X to raise the child in a home and the parents split the cost based on their income percentages. I can understand this, but my problem is that X isn't standard. If there is daycare involved, then the cost of daycare adds to the cost to raise the child (X + daycare). ....

It isn't just daycare. There are other expenses that can't be measured - which is why child support is usually more than $14.

My ex didn't have the girls living with him during or after the divorce. His reason, "it wasn't convenient." So, I had them. That meant I had to have at least a two bedroom apartment. And, it can't be a shitty place either - not only to "think of the children" in a safety sense, but they need a good enough school district/school to attend. That also means I have to commit to my decision for a while so they aren't uprooted every 6-months.

I also can't just get a cheap motorcycle to save on transportation costs. I need a car so I can cart them places and get them food.

These are basics - I opt for a simple, not cheap [ie scary] apartment but not expensive. I opt for a car that works well and won't be a money pit, but isn't expensive.

Then, I'm told that the STATE MINIMUM child support based on his income and the STATE guidelines won't fit into his budget. Yeah, because it fits into mine. [rolling eyes] I'm then bitched at because I'm spending the money on getting my hair done Right. It isn't possible to come up with a standard amount that a child is "worth." It isn't possible to come up with receipts for a standard of living.

What really gets me.... he sued me last year for full custody because he wanted ME to pay HIM child support. He sees the $$ my husband makes and wants a piece of it. Too bad for him, even if he would have won it would have been based on my income. How else do you fight that battle if not with a pricetag on it? The ONLY way to hold some people accountable is with a monetary expense.

[Amber Lamps]

This is why I'm glad to be fixed. It just seems that the child becomes some kind of bargaining chip or weapon. I've seem it so many times in my life and it makes me sick. Most people don't seem to even care about the child but have the "I'm getting it so you can't" sort of attitude. I've literally seen people fight over getting the kid just to drop it off at a babysitter. .. I've seen women call a Guy angry because he hasn't picked up his kids one week only to deny him access the next. I've seen guys taken to court for cs even though the woman knows that he is struggling even though she makes 3 of 4 times as much money as he does. Oh and OMG don't let the Guy get a new woman in his life... People, a child is not an expense, a bargaining chip, nor a weapon. BOTH parents should be spending every waking moment trying to figure out how to make the child's life better, not scoring points. Just an opinion of course. .. I've been the child and I've been the surrogate father but never an actual parent, so maybe I don't fully understand.

[sherri_chickie]

I think everyone here agrees that the laws are screwed and the system doesn't really work the way it is supposed to. Anyone have suggestions for the way it should work? I have never been in the situation so I am ill equipped to be making suggestions.

[azoomm]

Sherri, I'm working with a few committees now. It sucks... and would love more suggestions to fix it. Don't say case by case assessment, no one has the time, energy or funds for that.

[MILK]

In our separation papers there is a clause that states if one parent is going to be apart from the child more than 5 hours - as in needs a sitter - they have to ask the other parent first. There is also a clause that states that when my ex is traveling for work (when he has a job he typically travels ) that my son stays with me.

After everything is over, signed and done this came up. He says I 'tricked' him by putting in the clause about being out of town for work. I told him that HE SIGNED IT and should have read it.

Then I asked him WHO ELSE SHOULD MY SON BE STAYING WITH WHEN YOU'RE GONE THAN HIS OWN MOTHER???!!!

He wasn't thinking about my son, he was thinking about the extra nights I would get - which changes the child support equation.. Unbelievable.

He traveled recently and I agreed to SWAP weekends so he could still see his child. I did not have to agree to that - and I would have gotten an EXTRA weekend. What do I find out later? That my son spent the night with my ex's white trash cousins Saturday night. Sigh.

[azoomm]

How about this one, my daughters are teenagers, they now go to dad's to BE the babysitters to their new little brother so momma and their dad can either go out or put in more hours at work....

[MILK]

Originally Posted by azoomm

How about this one, my daughters are teenagers, they now go to dad's to BE the babysitters to their new little brother so momma and their dad can either go out or put in more hours at work....

People SUCK.

[Papa_Complex]

Originally Posted by azoomm

How about this one, my daughters are teenagers, they now go to dad's to BE the babysitters to their new little brother so momma and their dad can either go out or put in more hours at work....

Sounds like a reason for a modification of custody

[azoomm]

That was last year. Welcome to family court where nothing is enforceable. Besides, the girls like it better because the dates are his chosen dates... he doesn't get more because he chose not to spend the time with them. And, they don't have to deal with the adults for that night. They are, sadly, learning the value their father has put on them.

[TommyHotWheel]

Originally Posted by Archren

My ex re-married within 6 months of our divorce in 2008. Fast forward to now... I come home on leave after being deployed for 6 months, and my kids call me by my first name rather than mommy, but they call the step-mom mommy in a heartbeat. They're 2 and 4 and too young to know how to tell the difference, and it pisses me off to no end that the ex and his wife have messed with their heads like that.

Mine moved in with the guy she cheated on 2 weeks after she told me to leave and about 2 weeks after our finalization...on my birthday...they got re-married. She had the kids call him daddy as soon as I left the house. I dont see why 50/50 should not work...equal responsibility. You both wanted or made the decision to have/keep the kids, you both pay. Figure out what is NEEDED...to raise the kid/kids and split the cost and the time down the middle. If one wants to relinquish custody or visitation, that persons share gets paid to the custodial parent. You didnt divorce the kids, so dont punish them or use them to punish each other.