is pr0n still innocent if...

[Fleck750]

Originally Posted by neebelung

I agree as well. It's not my thing, but swinging works for some couples. As long as all parties involved are on the same page however, I'm not gonna judge.

Oh, I wasn't judging, just giving him a hard time. Humans are not naturally monogamous. It's very hard to stay with one person for a lifetime. For some the compromises are easier, for others, impossible. Porn helps a lot of relationships work. You see/watch something, get all wound up, and things come to life in the marital bed. For others, seeing your SO humping someone does it for you.

[Captain Morgan]

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

Oh, and regarding Kim's situation, I think we really need more info. Is this a guy you've known for some time? Is it someone your husband knows? Are you e-mailing these pics to more than one person? Are you just posting pics on the net? Or are you hosting a website where you do webcam shows?

Originally Posted by itgirl

wow, you're thorough. no on all accounts.

i used to have real issues with porn. i thought it was just awful and wanted my husband having nothing to do with it. the girls may have been anonymous, but the feeling of betrayal was still the same for me. it was still my husband viewing another person naked. and the more i forbid it the more he wanted it. but now i believe naked chicks are just naked chicks. and whether it's the neighbor viewing them, a guy at work, someone on the internetz etc., it's all about one thing...skin. doesn't matter who's really in the pics. maybe i've just grown into my sexuality slightly with age or maybe i just don't care anymore. i dunno. but porn is porn. that i believe. it's just pictures, after all. and how can anyone say otherwise if they themselves view porn? just my thinking. but like i said, maybe i am just making excuses to condone my actions. i dunno.

If I'm reading this correctly, I can see why your husband has an issue with it. If you are only showing these pics to one person, then your hubby thinks there is something going on between you and this other guy. You may think it's completely innocent, but your hubby doesn't. When he was looking at porn and jerkin the gherkin, it was just porn to him. I think you had issue with it because you weren't getting laid as often as you wanted. Yes, he should have taken your feelings into consideration and looked at porn less. Or at least take care of your needs in the bedroom, even if he took care of his own needs while you were gone.

You're sending naked pics to one guy. Are you sending different pics on different days, or did you just show some guy the goods on a random chance and it only happened once? If you've sent this guy naked pics more than once, or you have ongoing converstions with the guy, then there is a real issue here. If you just sent the pics once and have had no further communication with the guy, eh, maybe not a huge deal.

I think it's best if you and the hubby sit down and put it all on the table so each knows the other's feelings.

[neebelung]

Originally Posted by itgirl

yeah, i suppose you're right. i guess i still get bothered by the fact that he never consulted me or my feelings when he took his matters into his own hands, so to speak. i guess that's where my double-standard theory comes from. it appears turnabout isn't really fair play afterall.

You're not comparing apples to apples though.

He looks at porn. Anonymous porn. Women you don't know, nor will you likely ever meet. There's no feeling or emotion involved.

The parallel would be you looking at porn, again of people you don't know.


You're sending out pics of yourself, and he's apparently objecting. If HE was sending out pics of himself, THEN you'd have a double standard.

[Captain Morgan]

Originally Posted by neebelung

You're not comparing apples to apples though.

He looks at porn. Anonymous porn. Women you don't know, nor will you likely ever meet. There's no feeling or emotion involved.

The parallel would be you looking at porn, again of people you don't know.


You're sending out pics of yourself, and he's apparently objecting. If HE was sending out pics of himself, THEN you'd have a double standard.

Agreed

[Amber Lamps]

Aha! Now I get it. Your husband thinks it's okay for him to sit around looking at porn whenever he wants BUT it's not alright for you to post nude pics of yourself. Gotcha!

Nope, he's wrong. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If he wants to be able to look at naked pictures, he has to be tolerant of you posting naked pictures. It's not fair! On the one hand you should respect his feelings but he gets to ignore yours? Wrong!

I will say that since your um, upgrades, I'm sure that your self esteem is higher which has made you more tolerant of porn. Before when you weren't so gifted it hurt because you felt inadequate but now you can look at the pics and say, "Ha mine are nicer!" I'm sure that it's all about self esteem on both sides. Now that you are hotter, he feels less secure. He wouldn't be the first guy whose SO got enhanced and later bolted on him. I bet he notices every leer and hears every comment when you enter a room.

[Amber Lamps]

Originally Posted by neebelung

You're not comparing apples to apples though.

He looks at porn. Anonymous porn. Women you don't know, nor will you likely ever meet. There's no feeling or emotion involved.

The parallel would be you looking at porn, again of people you don't know.


You're sending out pics of yourself, and he's apparently objecting. If HE was sending out pics of himself, THEN you'd have a double standard.

Hmmm... I don't know. When she was smaller it hurt her deeply that he would look at other more endowed women. He ignored that and did what he wanted. Now that she has it going on, it turns her on to have men look at her. Does she really owe it to him to respect his feelings when he doesn't respect hers? I see what you are saying but fair is fair. It gets him off to look at others and it gets her off to be looked at....

[Cutty72]

Originally Posted by itgirl

i used to have real issues with porn. i thought it was just awful and wanted my husband having nothing to do with it. the girls may have been anonymous, but the feeling of betrayal was still the same for me. it was still my husband viewing another person naked. and the more i forbid it the more he wanted it.

This is exactly how my gf thinks. I tell her she has no choice while i'm over here, cause I can't look at her, so therefore I look at whoever I can google

[neebelung]

Originally Posted by TIGGER

Hmmm... I don't know. When she was smaller it hurt her deeply that he would look at other more endowed women. He ignored that and did what he wanted. Now that she has it going on, it turns her on to have men look at her. Does she really owe it to him to respect his feelings when he doesn't respect hers? I see what you are saying but fair is fair. It gets him off to look at others and it gets her off to be looked at....

I'm not saying that it was right for him to ignore her wishes to not view porn. But "tit for tat" (no pun intended) just isn't a recipe for a healthy marriage. "he did something I didn't like, so now I'm going to do something he doesn't like" doesn't fly.

And you're glossing over the fact that looking at anonymous porn is not at ALL the same thing as sending pics of yourself to someone you (apparently) know.

[Amber Lamps]

Originally Posted by neebelung

I'm not saying that it was right for him to ignore her wishes to not view porn. But "tit for tat" (no pun intended) just isn't a recipe for a healthy marriage. "he did something I didn't like, so now I'm going to do something he doesn't like" doesn't fly.

And you're glossing over the fact that looking at anonymous porn is not at ALL the same thing as sending pics of yourself to someone you (apparently) know.

Yea I know... I'm just helping a friend justify actions that have already happened...unless I miss my guess.

I agree that going forward, there has to be a referendum on porn of any kind in their home and they should focus more on each other.

[neebelung]

Originally Posted by itgirl

wow, you're thorough. no on all accounts.

i used to have real issues with porn. i thought it was just awful and wanted my husband having nothing to do with it. the girls may have been anonymous, but the feeling of betrayal was still the same for me.

I'm curious how his jerkin to porn felt like betrayal to you, when you openly speak of using your BOB? Aren't they both just a means to an end, a tool to aid in getting yourself off? No conversation, no emotion, just self gratification?