If 'Dark Knight Rises' Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest

[pauldun170]

CHRISTIAN BALE

Wait, what? How do you know I'm Batman?

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT

I met you a long time ago, and I could tell by the look in your eyes that you missed your dead parents. So I deduced that you dress like a bat and beat up criminals.

Read more: If 'Dark Knight Rises' Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_20012...#ixzz24O0TovIc

[Trip]

I watched it a second time now they got a better can out. Its even more terrible than I remember.

[fatbuckRTO]

BAT-BALE

So it comes to this, the epic match between two graduates of the world's most lethal ninja organization. Truly this battle will be a showcase of precision fighting techniques and tactical skills.

(swings wildly and grunts)

Grrggllrrr frrrraar!

This was hilarious. It was also the other big problem I had with the movie, aside from the Bat-blubbering at the end.

Bane is a really difficult character to bring to the screen. In the comics it took something like 20 issues for Bane's activities to wear Batman down to the point that Bane could beat him; Knightfall was a 6-month story arc that involved every villain from Batman's rogues gallery being released from Arkham. So when you try to wrap that up into a 2 hour movie, you have to take away from one of the characters in a major way. You either make Batman a puss or Bane a throw-away villain.

In "Dark Knight Rises," they never gave a convincing reason for Bane to walk all over Batman. "Oooh, he's young and determined." But wait, he's older than Talia, and Talia is pretty damn close to Bruce Wayne's age. "Oooooh, he was born in the dark." Batman is a goddamn ninja who killed the master of both of them. So why was the first fight so one-sided? Batman's old injuries? Then why was the second fight Batman's to win, with a recently broken back. It should never have been Bane, unless you're willing to devote at least two movies to the story.

[Homeslice]

How about simply bashing that gas mask thing off his head?

[pauldun170]

Originally Posted by Homeslice

How about simply bashing that gas mask thing off his head?

BAT-BALE launches a flurry of hugely telegraphed haymakers. He eventually hits TOM'S MASK, knocking just one of the eight tubes free and immediately turning TOM into a sniveling WIMP.

TOM HARDY

Fuck, thish is bashically how I wash defeated in Schumacher's shitty movie, too!

BAT-BALE

WHEREESSTHETRIGGGAA!? WHEREISSITT!?

TOM HARDY

Alright, Nolan ish jusht fucking with ush now, I'm shure of it.

Read more: If 'Dark Knight Rises' Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_20012...#ixzz24TlHQwMY