Time for your annual "am i gay?" self-examination...

[Gas Man]

T'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION...


1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.


Gay

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.


Gay

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only suks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.


Gay

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.


A Real Man

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.


Gay

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.


Gay

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.


Gay

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they Flame out too.


Gay

[Katherine]

If you admit to wanting to plug or be plugged by NtS in an ice cream parlor or wanting to stick your finger in Trip's rearend....SUPER GAY.


I'm sorry, t-rock. I couldn't resist.


If you molest drewpy while he tries to sleep on the floor and tell him to squeal like a pig... you might need to talk to your wife. (Sorry, fatburg). *snicker*

[Captain Morgan]

Woohoo, I'm not gay!!

[Shift]

God damn it.

Now I gotta kill my cat.

[Katherine]

Originally Posted by Gas Man

T'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION...


2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.


Gay

I don't think this applies to OSP's cat. That thing is HUGE. It's more like a cat-elephant hybrid.

[Rider]

Originally Posted by Gas Man

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

I have to disagree with this one.... I'll piss anywhere, but I'm not taking a shit where some other dude just rubbed his ass checks. No way, no how.

[smileyman]

If you carry and it looks like this...

[Katherine]

Originally Posted by smileyman

If you carry and it looks like this...

OOoooOOOooo Me likey.

[Gas Man]

Hmm... the wife would love those guns

[smileyman]

Originally Posted by Shift

God damn it.

Now I gotta kill my cat.