Subject: 2008 Darwin Awards

[Avatard]

You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado
here are the 2008 Darwin Awards.

Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,'
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When it
collapsed, he was buried beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used
their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It
took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into
the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door,
a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The
shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up! and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and
a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns
and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.
The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see
what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM . Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee
rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
that a coil of lineman's cable, lay nearby. They secured one end around
Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.


AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt
to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems
to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'S--t happens'

[NONE_too_SOFT]

HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see
what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

lmao. i've done that before while intoxicated. not with dynamite.

[azoomm]

Originally Posted by Avatard

...
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.
The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt....

That's a horrible ratio at close range...

Sure those are from 2008?? I've heard those before. Funny though!

[NONE_too_SOFT]

i bet they walked up to him over his bleeding corpse and let some more into him for good measure too...


the guy that jumped off the bridge lived, although sans foot, so how is that a darwin award? he's still in the gene pool.

[neebelung]

OH wow, there's some great ones this year.

[Archren]

Yeah.. I've heard the "winner" story elsewhere before, too.. as in a year or two ago...

[Rider]

The elephant one is several years old.

[Avatard]

Got it by Email, just passing it along.

Truth be known, there never was a Darwin Awards. It's a semi-fictional urban legend-esque concept that has existed for years. People add to it, pass it along. I suspect most stories therein are probably based on fact, some are probably nothing more than true urban legend.

Of course, as people tend to be enterprising, someone has in the interim snatched up all applicable domains, and trade names and such, and I'm sure someone is now representing themselves as the "Official Darwin Awards" (TM), but I assure you this is post-facto.

Sometimes it's just better to read the shit, and chuckle, fuckers.

Don't read so much into it.

[cuttle]

Originally Posted by Avatard

b
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt
to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems
to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'S--t happens'

Sorry - we Germans may be full of shit at some times, however our Elephants are quiet regular:

http://www.snopes.com/critters/malice/feces.asp

[Avatard]

Originally Posted by cuttle

Sorry - we Germans may be full of shit at some times

Italians got ya beat. Those motherfuckers can talk some shit.