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Washington Is the Worst State in the Country for Bestiality
That is, of course, assuming that you consider bestiality a bad thing. Whatever the case, as Pleated Jeans' informative and hilarious state map shows, critter-humping is apparently the Evergreen State's most embarrassing secret (though, really, it's not that secret). Check out all 50 states' shameful trends and a breakdown of Washington's best known cases of zoophilia after the jump.

The ranking comes via stats from Pet-Abuse.com, which lists four bestiality incidents in its stats on Washington (one more than Georgia and Florida, which each have three), but has an interactive map showing five incidents.

No example of Washington state animal buggery is more famous than Kenneth Pinyan and the "Enumclaw Horse Sex Case" of 2005.

Countless articles have been written about it, and a film was even made.

But in short, Pinyan was a Boeing engineer and Gig Harbor resident who got his kicks on the side by traveling up to a farm near Enumclaw and letting a horse named "Big Dick" fuck his brains out while a couple friends videotaped the action. Pinyan took his fetish too far one day when the horse perforated his colon, an injury that soon afterward killed him.

The case led to a new law in Washington, which specifically outlaws bestiality.

Next we have Michael Patrick McPhail, a 26-year-old from Spanaway, who was the first person charged under the post-Pinyan bestiality law. McPhail was caught by his wife having sex with a "squealing and crying" female pit-bull mix on the couple's porch and turned in to sheriff's deputies. He was later acquitted.

Reaching back even further, a 2004 incident involves five 12 and 13-year-olds who broke into a barn at White Swan High School and brutalized and sodomized several pigs with "canes, axes, knives, and hammers." The kids--being kids--ended up skating with light punishments after much of the evidence was cleaned up or tainted by parents and other locals.

Moving up to 2007, we have Mr. Arthur Lawton, a man who was charged with animal cruelty for having sex with a goat in a barn where he worked at Eatonville's Pioneer Farm Museum. He'd been caught mid-shag by a tour guide, though he later claimed he was only "trying to milk" the creature.

Then last year, Douglas Spink, a former cocaine runner and extreme sports enthusiast, was arrested for essentially running a bestiality resort for tourists near the Canada-Washington border.

After pleading guilty to letting a man visit his ranch and have sex with his dogs, he was sentenced to three years in federal prison.

And finally, there's Gary A. Veldhuizen of Ferndale--a lover of the online game FarmVille and an even bigger lover of goats. Real ones. Real ones that he has sex with.

Veldhuizen was caught doing the deed with a goat by a family member, and later sentenced to one month in jail by a Whatcom County judge.

So as you can see, Washington is steeped in man-on-beast history. Whether it's our defining shameful trademark seems a stretch. But it is what it is.